Take one money-grubbing little ol’ ranch wife, her brood of four kids, an assortment of ranch hands, a felonious cousin, and an icy-cold cattle baron. Pair them up with pinched recipes, narcissistic values, some rodeo entertainment and you have the makings of the new season of Ree Drumond’s low-brow Pioneer Woman show.
Drummond Abbey would be a more fitting title for a weekly saga less about cooking and increasingly more about Ree Drummond’s insatiable urge to pander to the masses. Here’s the thing, it’s difficult to remember the last time I watched a cooking show interspersed with Lipton’s Onion Soup mix and calf roping.
When Lady Drummond’s scripted, smack down aired on Saturday, a loyal, if not naïve Pioneer Woman sheeple tweeted:
@thepioneerwoman Ree, what happened to the phrase “accidental country girl” in the opening of your show this season? Inquiring minds…
Oh puhleeeez, someone cue the violins. But Ree, never one to miss reeking of false modesty, jumped right on it responding:
@JannaBees They shortened the intro slightly this season, just so the episode could start more quickly. A few little lines were cut.
Nice spin and why not when Sheepledom is so easily manipulated. Never mind it was grossly inaccurate and misleading. Lines weren’t cut to pave the way for a speedy opening, lines were cut to allow more time for commercial endorsements.
And could the real Ree please stand up? Earlier seasons of this theater of the absurd saw the Pioneer Woman don her shrinking violet persona. In what appears to be a life imitates art moment, Ree finally delivered the performance we all knew she possessed. Her bossy, scene stealing domination left no doubt in anyone’s mind who wears the ironed Levi’s at Drummond Abbey. Ahhh, the perks of being a producer of your own show…you get to write yourself into every frame.
The off season wasn’t kind to the Pioneer Woman’s appearance either. Guess all those plagiarism scandals ultimately caught up with Ree. Her fine, stringy locks were pulled back into a vintage pony tail making it tiresome to discern which is older, the Pioneer Woman’s recipes or her hairstyles. From the looks of things, all that butter, cream and fatty meat has taken a toll on Ree’s disappearing waistline as well.
In what proved to be the show’s only moment of levity, Ree added millet and flaxseed to chocolate chip cookie batter presumably as a nod to healthy cooking. And what would this show be without the Pioneer Woman’s drama about the pleasures of a mortar and pestle. After they baked, the cookies looked flat and heavy, and undoubtedly had the texture of a hockey puck. But one thing’s certain, those nasty things were healthy and damn it, they offset the calories of Ree’s butter-laden cheese sauce and fried onion rings.
Stay tuned for what promises to be another season of over-the-top narcissism starring the incorrigible Pioneer Woman, Baron Drummond, Lady Missy and Earl “the jailbird” Thatcher. For serious foodies, try your local PBS station on Saturday mornings. Sara Moulton, Martha Stewart and Julia Child are a tad more imaginative in their preparations and none need farm animals as filler for lame material.