The Pioneer Woman Show – Vera’s Recap of Football Camp

Excellent recap Vera.  Thank you, thank you! Today’s episode: “Football Camp”. In which Ladd and the two boys participate in a dirty sweaty football training camp, while Ree and Paige prepare greasy sandwiches and potato chips for 120 kids and More…

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The Pioneer Woman Show – Vera’s Recap of Bulk Buys

Thank you Vera for another hilarious, spot-on recap! After the briefest of breaks, PW is back with new episodes. If you think there has been any change or improvement, you are sadly mistaken. “More of the same” is modus operandi More…

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The Pioneer Woman – Urbanspoon Sells Out

The Pioneer Woman’s publicity machine rages out of control. Now they’re planting fabrications about her celebrity chef status …yeah right, if Ree’s a celebrity chef then I must be a nuclear physicist. Yesterday’s Urbanspoon press release is all about brainwashing More…

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The Pioneer Woman to Keynote Genealogy Event

UPDATE, Feb. 6, 2014:  The Pioneer Woman has spoken, delivering her inspirational keynote spare us please at the RootsTech annual convention which began yesterday.  As soon as we have the video, we’ll post it. What will the Pioneer Woman NOT More…

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Vera’s Recap of The Pioneer Woman’s Xmas Cocktail Party

Saturday’s episode – Christmas Cocktail Party, in which Ree throws together recipes off the backs of boxes and cans and ends up with huge platters of the kind of food that most people get at Costco. We start off with More…

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The Pioneer Woman Cookie Chatter

If you don’t tweet, please take a moment to sign up for a free account at Twitter dot com. You won’t want to miss Land O’ Lakes’ cookie chatter co-hosted by none other than the Pioneer Woman.  This Wednesday, December 4, at 8 pm ET, Ree Drummond will answer all your holiday baking questions.    You know, things like how to cut open a package of Pillsbury Sugar Cookie dough,  follow the instructions for baking and decorating.  Then arranging the delights on a Christmas platter and passing them off as your own.   When you tweet your question, include the hashtag #cookiechatter.  The Pioneer Woman will be waiting with bated breath to fulfill her contractual obligations while shilling her heavily discounted cookbook.   Killing two birds with one stone…Happy Holidays from Ree.

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The Pioneer Woman – Thanksgiving Week Open Forum

Happy Thanksgiving!  Okay, for the next week anything goes, as long as it pertains to the Pioneer Woman.  For those simply dying to praise the PW and her red neck recipes, this is not the place.  For everyone else, comment away.  We understand Ree “Dear Abby” Drummond is dispensing advice for turkey day, oh dear God help us all.

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Don’t I look purty?

 

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The Pioneer Woman’s Felonious First Cousin – An Update

UPDATE:  “Mary in Tulsa” emailed that Judge Gambill granted the parties’ Agreed Motion for Continuance.  The pre-trial conference is now set for Dec. 13, 2013.  Gentner’s wife, Wendy Drummond, appeared with the Pioneer Woman’s wayward cousin by marriage.

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Almost a month ago, “Mary in Tulsa” updated us on the Thatcher Drummond assault case which, nearly two years after the incident, remains pending before an Osage County court mired in legal posturing and maneuvering by the Drummond family lawyer.   Regular visitors to this site will recall the Pioneer Woman’s law-abiding first cousin by marriage was arrested in February 2012,  after allegedly taking a swing at Robert Regnier, the state trooper who stopped him for running a stop sign, drunk driving, possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. While attempting to handcuff Ree’s upstanding relative, a scuffle broke out, the trooper was injured and Drummond escaped after bolting over a pasture, handcuffs still dangling. Presumably Thatcher ran off to the fake Pioneer Woman’s lodge/tv studio hoping to satisfy a severe case of munchies.

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Thatcher Drummond courtesy of www.bustedmugshots.com

After the case sat dormant for nearly a year, a pre-trial hearing was held on Sept. 13, 2013. Gentner Drummond, Thatcher’s cousin and the family barrister, appeared and moved to depose the trooper. Typically, law officers do not give depositions as it is presumed they will be available to testify live and in person at the time of trial. Exceptions are made when a deponent is terminally ill, has a profound mental disease or might be moving a great distance. None of these exceptions apply to Regnier who is alive, healthy and has no imminent plans to relocate. The Assistant District Attorney, Mike Fisher understandably objected.

The presiding Judge granted Drummond’s motion but limited the scope of discovery from the time the officer first saw the defendant to the moment when Thatcher broke the law. Genter Drummond, who’s on his knees nightly praying this case gets dismissed for want of prosecution, objected. He’ll eventually move that his client’s constitutional rights have been unduly prejudiced by the many delays. Good strategy Gentner, get the family bad boy off again. Yet another hearing was set for this Friday, November 22, 2013 with Judge Gambill ordering said deposition be completed by this date.

Quoting Judge Gambill, “the easiest thing for the court to do would be to just shuffle it off, but I’m not going to do that for rich or for poor.” Let’s hope the dear Judge won’t be retiring anytime soon.   A heartfelt thanks to “Mary in Tulsa.”  Please update us on Friday’s proceedings.

 

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The Pioneer Woman – Vera’s Recap of Thanksgiving Leftovers

Saturday, Ree showed us how she uses up her Thanksgiving leftovers. By the end of the show, I am wondering just how big was that turkey? Or maybe nobody ate it at the original dinner because she had a ton of leftovers to use up. We start with Ree doing a voiceover to the teases of today’s recipes. She says she will be “doctoring up” some “luscious” leftovers. Hopefully she has a thesaurus on her Christmas list because she is really wearing out some of her vocabulary words. The tease that catches my eye is the Panini in the grill that has a huge explosion of grease spurting off the top of it. Surely my eyes deceive me, but no, I rewound and there is actually grease cascading down the sandwich. Looks “luscious”, does it not? She also showcases spring rolls, turkey tetrazzini and smoothies, where she makes a bad pun and her kids just kind of look at her, then we cut to the actual show.

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Yes my friends, that’s grease dripping down the sides of the panini

We start with Ree at The Lodge, clearing the table of a giant turkey platter. She’s wearing some kind of black smock and the place is mostly lit by candles. What a weird effect.

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Cue the Barry White music. “Between the candlelight and my botox injections, don’t you think I’m looking good?”

Then, we cut to sunrise outside The Lodge, then back to Ree inside, now wearing a different black shirtain with a floral design. She is going to make a Panini from leftover turkey for Paige and Alex to share for their lunch. OK, two kids, one sandwich. She uses sourdough bread and puts mustard on two pieces, says she doesn’t want it to be too “gloopy”, then declares that gloopy is one of her favorite words. What? I can list many words that she says ad nauseam, but gloopy isn’t one of them. We get to see a flashback of how she brined the turkey and covered it with butter, which she says makes it “deee-licious”; another flashback of how she made the cranberry sauce, a third flashback to the cornbread dressing, and a fourth to the gravy (this is where they cue the whacky carnival music).

Back to Ree putting a really thick layer of butter on top of the sandwich, she flips it over into the Panini maker, piles even more butter onto the other slice of bread, then closes the top. Again, we are treated to the closeup of butter running down the sandwich and making a grease pool in the Panini maker. Yuck! Cut to the two girls driving in a pickup truck and talking about leftovers, then the sandwich is done – Ree proclaims it “yummy” and “gooey” – she cuts it in two pieces and wraps them in foil. Because it’s such a great idea to make a hot sandwich with a crusty exterior, then wrap it in foil to steam and get soggy. Good one, Ree! She makes some comment about the “Lodge Drive-Thru”, then takes the sandwich out into the ever-present wind storm and hands it into the truck window to the girls. They drive away with a cameraman in the backseat, so we get to see one of them driving and the other one teasing her with the sandwich. At this point, FN puts some kind of warning on the bottom of the screen. I think it might be a warning about not eating while driving a motor vehicle, but it is something about a safe temperature for your refrigerator. Whatever, we are out for the first commercial.

 

In the first break, we get to see a commercial for Thanksgiving Live! next weekend on FN. Ina, Alton, Giada, Bobby Flay. Poor Ree, not invited and the ad is running during her show.

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“And the best news, the fake Pioneer Woman won’t be here this year.”

Back to Ree in the pantry, gathering up vaguely Asian ingredients for her spring rolls. I notice that things aren’t in the same place as last time. Where is all that pasta and tomato sauce? Hmmm. She carries various bottles back to the kitchen island and sloshes random amounts of random ingredients into a bowl. She adds some chopped turkey to the bowl and says something about the flavors being totally different than the day before. Did she used to watch Quick Fix Meals on FN? Because that’s the kind of thing Robin Miller said when she was morphing lasagna meat into taco filling or jerk flank steak into fajitas. Ree opens a package of rice paper wrappers and gives some vague instructions on how to soften them in hot water with no clear time frame or other instruction, then she slops the waterlogged wrapper onto a plate. She stuffs way too much filling into it, then tries to roll it up. Luckily, we cut to a montage of filling and rolling more rolls. She says the rolls will keep all day in the refrigerator for her to snack on. What? She said before this was her lunch. So which is it, Ree? She makes a dipping sauce with more cranberry sauce, soy sauce and hot chili oil, which she proclaims “adventurous”, then she eats a roll to much moaning and eye-rolling. There is a tease for tetrazzini and smoothies, and we are out for a commercial.

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Good luck rolling up one of these babies without tearing the rice paper.

We are back to Ree carrying a large orange casserole dish to her truck. I recognize the dish as LeCreuset — a quick google search reveals that it is a LeCreuset Heritage Stoneware Rectangular Baking Dish, which retails for $94. Yes, just the kind of thing we all leave at a relative’s house and hope she will remember to return it to us. Ree says she has filled the dish with turkey tetrazzini and is going to pick up the kids, then drive the dish over to Ladd’s grandmother Edna Mae. (Now I want to know what she brought to Ree’s dinner in that dish. Surely not the infamous Escalloped Cabbage of years gone by?) We get another flashback of Ree making the tetrazzini complete with graphic “earlier this afternoon”. She started the sauce in a huge purple LeCreuset dutch oven and we get a new time clock graphic edited in between the steps.

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“These Le Creuset casseroles weigh a ton. Sure glad my neck muscles were up to the challenge.”

I would pay any amount of money to be in the editing room when the production company is trying to piece this thing together and having to come up with ways to edit it into something watchable. We’ll never know what they had to take out in order to make it make sense but today there was new effort put into editing, that’s for sure. Ree plops a whole block of cream cheese into the sauce (what?) then looks at the camera and says, “If it didn’t look good before, it looks amazing now!” Well, it didn’t look good before and it looks even worse now, so I have no idea why they didn’t change that sequence. Moving on – she plops olives, peas, bacon and cheese into the sauce, dumps cooked spaghetti in, then dumps it all into the orange casserole dish. Honestly, it looks like something a kid made by cleaning out the refrigerator and pouring random stuff into a baking pan. Gross. She congratulates herself on using panko on top. Is that another one of those ingredients that make her feel urban? Then she plops the dish on the top rack of the oven, we cut back to her picking up the kids at her other house, she talks to the dogs, then we see the truck go flying out the gate of the ranch to go to Edna Mae’s house. She is a very small lady and looks like she would barely be able lift the full dish. I went back and checked and she is never actually shown holding the dish, so I bet she really couldn’t lift it. She says she’s having guests for dinner, so she won’t have to eat the whole thing by herself. I am relieved. As the segment is winding up and heading to the commercial break, FN is putting helpful hints up in graphics at the bottom of the screen. As Ree and the kids walk away, there is a graphic about “how to avoid unwanted holiday guests”. The FN editors got in a quick laugh before we cut to commercial.

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No caption necessary, Food Network’s graphic says it all.

Back to the kids cleaning up at The Lodge while Ree makes smoothies. She is standing at the end of the island at a weird angle and the segment is filled with odd edits of the kids doing random chores. Most of what she does is in voiceover, as if she couldn’t talk and make smoothies at the same time. She pours milk into the blender and she has chunks of canned pumpkin frozen in muffin tins and she’s talking and dropping the chunks into the blender. There is another weird edit because she can’t get the pumpkin out of the tin. Don’t they loosen stuff up so it comes out easily on camera? She says to add a small amount of cinnamon – we see sprinkle, sprinkle, PLOP! as she adds a huge amount – then she turns on the blender and proceeds to yell over it.

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Yuck! Ree purees pumpkin pie in her bid for the infant and nursing home demo.

One of the girls crushes graham crackers in a plastic bag and Ree puts some of the crumbs on top of the smoothies (yuck). She says something about many kids making light work, refers to Brycie-Boy, Paige-y and Toddie. She tells some lame jokes and the kids don’t laugh. Todd says it’s funny, so he gets extra crumbs. They all stand around the island, clinking glasses with Ree saying she’s thankful for them. There is a weird moment with Todd and his pumpkin smoothie moustache – why does he act like such a baby? – and we are out. Another PW episode is in the can.

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The Pioneer Woman Parades Away

Parade Magazine, the rag you find stuffed in your local Sunday paper, is the latest publication to cave to the Pioneer Woman’s media machine. Desperate apparently for Thanksgiving material, Parade is featuring the Pioneer Woman and her pinched church recipes on this weekend’s cover. Rest assured, most intelligent people will never confuse Parade’s yellow journalism with the NY Times Sunday Mag’s solid food coverage.

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Up, front and center, the fake Pioneer Woman and her orchestrated image of bliss.

Parade features the familiar, mediocre bunk from another wet-behind-the-ears reporter, Sarah DiGregorio, who’s been skillfully brainwashed and thinks covering Ree Drummond’s red neck persona and the bullshit story behind it will earn accolades from industry peers. DiGregorio even employs familiar descriptive phrases i.e. “wildly popular,” same as every other two-bit journalist who’s covered the Pioneer Woman and her manufactured rise to fame. “Wildly popular?” Says who, Drummond’s publicists?  Earth to Sarah, the first rule of journalism, check your sources.

DiGregorio’s prose shouts that “half of America” has fallen in love with the Pioneer Woman. Really honey? Looks like the other half isn’t so naive. Crowds lining up for Pioneer Woman book signings are shrinking as are the page views for her site. Ree’s fifteen minutes may be ending, at least in the cooking realm. There have been suggestions, rumors if you will, that she’s shopping a lifestyle show to other networks, one that would focus less on Ree’s inabilities in the kitchen and more on ranch life. We’ll see.

Don’t forget to mark your calendars for the highly anticipated Facebook Chat with Ree, this Tuesday, Nov. 19 at 12:30 pm ET. Her paid trolls and plants will be out in full force with fake questions and interest.

In the meantime, enjoy the weekend. Stay tuned for Vera’s recap and by Wednesday, we hope to post the latest about the Pioneer Woman’s beleaguered first cousin, Thatcher Drummond.  A heartfelt thanks goes out to “Mary in Tulsa” for sending the update.

 

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