The Pioneer Woman Show – 16 Minute Scrumptious Meals Recap

Thanks to Vera for her very astute recap of Saturday’s Pioneer Woman 16 Minute Scrumptious Meals episode or as HarperCollins would say, a preview of Drummond’s upcoming 2015 crookbook.  Pity poor Missy who stood in as this week’s patsy.

Vera’s Recap

Saturday, Ree showed us several recipes that she deems “lifesavers” because they are ready in 16 minutes. No explanation of why 16 minutes or how they would actually save anybody’s life. We start with Ree in The Lodge wearing a very bright blue and purple blouse. She says that everybody else is working – her family and her husband’s brother’s family – so she and her sister-in-law Missy are going to have a relaxed lunch together. I am sure all the others, who are supposedly outdoors doing hard ranch work, are so happy that these two ladies of leisure are able to kick back and enjoy a relaxed lunch.

The Pioneer Woman

Hmmmm, what’s in here that I can use in my next cookbook?

 

She starts off by putting two huge chicken breasts in an iron skillet and sprinkling taco seasoning on them. She brags about getting them into the pan without touching them and says something about how wonderful taco seasoning is, since you don’t have to mess with a lot of other flavorings. Personally, I think taco seasoning tastes like salt (since that’s the main ingredient) and I don’t even use it to make tacos, but obviously, I am not Ree. She moves on to talk about the wonders of bottled salad dressing and how you can add other things to jarred ranch dressing to make it into whatever kind of dressing you like. Have her producers been watching old episodes of Semi-Homemade Cooking? Because taco seasoning and doctoring up packaged foods were two of Sandra Lee’s favorite tricks. We jump to a flashback of the salad dressing doctoring. Ree adds blue cheese, herbs, sun dried tomatoes and salsa to four different dishes of ranch dressing, which makes them look just as bad as you think they would. Sorry, but I hate ranch dressing and adding blue cheese to it doesn’t make it blue cheese dressing. Adding other ingredients to turn it green or pink is just gross. We cut to Missy driving a huge white SUV towards Ree’s house. Jump back to Ree with some raw ears of corn that she’s going to grill for the salad. But first, she wants to add some flavor, so she rolls them around in the greasy pan where she cooked the chicken. What? Did she ever say what the chicken was cooked in? I actually rewound and checked – she just dropped the two chicken breasts into an inch of grease in the skillet. A quick side trip to FN’s website confirms that it was a quarter cup of vegetable oil and two tablespoons of butter, to cook two boneless skinless chicken breasts. Wow, that’s a lot of oil to brown some chicken. And now she’s rolling the corn on the cob around in it? Yuck! The corn is moved from the frying pan to a grill pan and we speed up to a montage of her quickly prepping the other salad ingredients (thank God, since she has no discernible knife skills and her stabbing at ingredients with that Japanese knife is painful to watch). She takes the corn off the grill pan and crows about the grill marks on it, although she is holding it up to the camera and it has no grill marks that I can see. There is some blather about her and Missy and how much they love “girl talk” (why do I think she really means gossip?), more salad prep, then Missy arrives. She comes into the kitchen and makes a comment about the salad being healthy and Ree laughs and dumps a bunch of broken tortilla chips on top of it. That will teach you, Missy! They haul the salad outside into the perpetual windstorm and sit at that same picnic table on the porch. A long shot of Ree and Missy shows that they are roughly the same size and both wearing billowy tops that are now flowing in the wind and, yeah, I doubt either one of them has ever done a hard day’s work in her life. Missy is telling some inane story about the first time she met Ree and she ordered a restaurant meal of a chicken omelet that tasted like fish – yeah, I didn’t get it either, but they both laughed like it was the funniest thing, ever, and we are out to the first commercial.

 

We are back to Ree, in the pantry showcasing all her jarred sauces and dried pasta. Now, she is wearing a different pink flowy top. She enters the kitchen and talks about how she has to make a quick lunch so she can run out and pick up her boys. Yeah, because that camera crew just happened to show up and film this quick segment and they are going to stand around and wait while you go off to do errands. OK, then. She says she going to make a pasta dish that’s meat-free and the whacky carnival music kicks in. She’s going to cook onions and garlic in olive oil and butter. She throws the onion into the pan; literally, it bounces. She’s talking about her website and the most popular recipes, which are the quick meals, and she starts again about “lifesavers”. She’s really appealing to her audience’s sense of desperation, although I don’t know how telling people to cook pasta and jarred sauce is some magical solution. Don’t most people already know this? She dumps a jar of roasted red peppers into the frying pan and they are popping like crazy. The heat is too high, Ree! She finally notices and turns the flame down a bit but, geez, doesn’t she know you don’t have to cook everything on high? She moves the now-fried peppers and onions into a blender, claps the top on and hits the puree button. No warning about the pressure build up from the heat, no loosening of the small cap in the blender lid, no towel on top. I am waiting for the blender to explode, but no such luck. She yells over the noise of the blender about the color of the sauce. Yes, it’s pink, OK, Ree, calm down. She pours the sauce out of the blender and back into the skillet, which is still screaming hot, so it is popping like crazy. She dumps chicken stock, heavy cream, chopped herbs and parmesan cheese into the pan – what, no green can parm? – then drags the insert out of the pasta pan across the counter, slopping water all the way. She serves up a plate of pasta and takes it outside to the table in the wind tunnel. I have to pause the recording and gag, because one of her dogs is SITTING ON TOP OF THE TABLE! Gross! It’s a basset hound – do you know how bad they smell?! And she sits the plate down right in front of the dog and eats and talks to the dog up close. Oh, thank God they cut to commercial, so I can pull myself together.

The Pioneer Woman

Do you think this top will sell in my new Pawhuska Shirtain Boutique?

 

The Pioneer Woman

Sometimes Botox works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Back to The Lodge, Ree is in a black shirtain, frying hamburger in a pan. She says she’s making French bread pizzas for the family and she using mini-baguettes but they are really deli rolls. Well, which is it? Apparently I have not fully recovered from the dog-on-the-table thing because I can’t really follow what she’s doing. They keep cutting back and forth from her putting various and sundry things onto the rolls and Ladd and two kids driving in from someplace and the other two kids playing in the yard. She puts sliced mozzarella on most of the rolls – apparently the cheese selection at her local store has improved significantly? – and ham and pineapple on some and marinara and ground beef for a taco pizza? That one will get chopped lettuce on top, then she puts jarred pesto on one and she’s going to make a chopped Greek salad to put on another. The chopping and the pizza making and the cutting back and forth to Ladd and the kids are all done at such a frenetic pace, I can’t keep up. She loads all the bread with stuff on top onto a pan and bangs it into the oven. Yes, she literally bangs it and, yes, it’s on the top rack in the oven. Some things never change. Out to commercial.

 

The Pioneer Woman

Who said you can’t dump a bunch of shit on french bread and call it pizza?

Back to Ladd and two kids still riding in a truck, talking about how they haven’t eaten all day. Well, where were they? Why didn’t they eat while they were out? What??? Cut to the other kids tossing a football in the yard. Each pair is a boy and a girl but they all look alike to me and I really don’t care enough to figure out who is who. Back in the kitchen, Ree makes the chopped salad and the family arrives via the back door. They all line up around the kitchen island and grab the limp, droopy pizzas made on soft deli rolls (there’s a reason you are supposed to use French bread, Ree!) and they stand in the kitchen and eat. The End.

 

There is no explanation given at all as to why 16 minutes. Does she have a book in the works and this is an early PR effort for that? In what way does a salad, a bowl of pasta or a droopy pizza constitute a meal? Is that really all they eat when they are supposedly starving from not eating all day? Why all the costume changes? She used to wear the same thing through the whole show. Are they piecing together out-takes to make extra episodes? And where did all these new episodes come from? Wasn’t she supposed to go into reruns a while ago? Inquiring minds want to know, Ree!

 

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178 Responses to The Pioneer Woman Show – 16 Minute Scrumptious Meals Recap

  1. Samantha says:

    Wow, found this blog via a comment someone left on a story about Ree. My immediate impression is: “These people really have waaay too much time on their hands, and they must lead boring, uninteresting lives if they dedicate so much of their time to tearing someone else’s life down.”

    You must also be the same people who spend hours on end lurking on Facebook, in between curating and carefully crafting your own profile on the epic time-waste of a site.

    Wake up and go for a walk! Travel the world! Hug a dog! Engage positive people in positive conversation! Please don’t spew more misery and negativity into the world.

    • The Marlboro Woman says:

      Okay guys, it’s Saturday and let’s have some fun with this one from Samantha in New Jersey who, by the way, spent nearly 30 minutes surfing this site.

      FYI Samantha, lots of positive people here who value integrity on the Internet. Something in very short supply on the Pioneer Woman’s site.

    • momjones says:

      I hope you are getting paid at least $.05 a post from a company that PW contracts to troll sites that say any negative things about her. I’ve seen the exact same statements over and over again – you could at least be original instead of copying and pasting. As for dedicating my life to tearing down other people’s lives and spending hours lurking on Facebook, I’m allowed to; I retired after 38 years of teaching. Besides, it’s certainly more enjoyable than watching PW’s insipid, fake television show or blindly following a fabricated life on a poorly written blog.

      Enjoy life! Wake up and smell the roses! And good luck on meeting your $60.00 an hour quota today!

    • anon. says:

      Samantha, you forgot to say everyone here is just jealous.

    • Kathryn says:

      Hi, Samantha! One thing you might have noticed is that negative comments aren’t immediately scrubbed from this site, unlike PW’s site. I think that is a lovely thing. Ree does not give anyone EVER the chance to disagree. That is sad. But then, it is her blog and she can certainly do with it what she will. Except, we all know that she isn’t what she wants us to believe. Surely you know this, or at least suspect?

      The only reason I ask is that I truly despise those people who deceive others constantly. Ree does this all the time, and I find that to be a combination of disgusting and pity.

      Oh, and how many dog pictures can one person shill?

      • The Marlboro Woman says:

        Correction: most of the negative comments are scrubbed because they are so hate-filled.

        • Kathryn says:

          True that. I stand corrected. Samantha was not off the wall spewing, and does get a star from me for that.

    • vera charles says:

      How about taking your own advice, Samantha. Instead of trolling around trying to start arguments with people who choose not to worship at the altar of Ree, find something productive to do. Personally, I only watch the PW show because it is the closest thing to a comedy show on the Food Network since they stopped making new episodes of Semi-Homemade. If I choose to spend a half hour watching and a few minutes snarking, why do you care? Anything people put on TV or the internet is fair game for satire, parody or general making-fun-of activities. If they want to hold it sacred, then they shouldn’t put it out to the public.

      For the record: I’m not on facebook, twitter, instagram or any of the other “Hey, look at me!” sites, so I don’t spend even one minute building a profile on any of them. And I do have an actual life. Sorry to disappoint you!

    • AK says:

      ” My immediate impression is: “These people really have waaay too much time on their hands, and they must lead boring, uninteresting lives if they dedicate so much of their time to tearing someone else’s life down.”
      You certainly don’t hesitate to make unflattering judgments yourself. Nobody is tearing down Ree Drummond’s life. We mock the blatant phoniness, incompetence and greed she splashes all over TV and the internet. She’s made a media whore of herself. People don’t have to like what she sells, which in her case, is a ridiculously unconvincing public image.

      “You must also be the same people who spend hours on end lurking on Facebook, in between curating and carefully crafting your own profile on the epic time-waste of a site.”
      Wrong again. Not on Facebook or Twitter either, but then again, I’m not desperate for attention. Unlike Ree. And, apparently, you.

      “Wake up and go for a walk! Travel the world! Hug a dog! Engage positive people in positive conversation! Please don’t spew more misery and negativity into the world.”
      Well aren’t you just the sweetest little thang, to be so concerned with us nasty sinners! Your pious, “positive” advice would have been a lot more convincing without the insults about laziness, vanity and our empty, wasted lives. Great move to cut back on the misery and negativity in the world, Samantha. You’re as genuine and inspiring as your adored PW.

      In other words, you’re both dickheads but great sources of unintentional comedy.

  2. AK says:

    And right on cue, The Little Fake on the Prairie goes into intense huckster mode for Thanksgiving. Her invaluable cooking advice consists of big, glossy photographs of expensive kitchenware. All are listed as “turkey essentials”, including fancy reversible cutting boards which she admits she doesn’t actually own. Which would pretty well make them, oh I dunno, inessential, right? Actually a competent cook doesn’t need any of the high-ticket stuff she shills. Disposable foil pans from the supermarket work just fine and are much more in line with her demographic. But Ree’s only skill is self-promotion so there’s always that.

    Ree has managed a rare achievement though. She makes Sandra Lee look like a kitchen wizard.

  3. Marilyn says:

    Everytime I page down to get to the comments link, I have to stop at the “Sometimes Botox works…” caption. Still cracking me up!

  4. joan says:

    Anyone notice on the 16-minute episode that she threw in the onions and garlic to brown at the same time for pasta sauce? Usually you brown the onions first, then throw in garlic to sautee for 30sec to a minute…..she really is clueless!!

  5. Jan in CA says:

    I guess no Miss-Ree-presentation at this year’s Food Network “Thanksgiving Live!”:

    http://blog.foodnetwork.com/fn-dish/2013/11/thanksgiving-live-to-return-with-alton-bobby-giada-ina/

    • Heather says:

      Thank God for that! Remember the “decor” and her standing hanging around like a damn fly in the punch bowl the whole show last year? Damned uncomfortable to watch, but that seems to be her niche, things that make you go ewww

    • June g. says:

      One prayer answered;p

    • c says:

      Maybe FN finally realizes that Ree-diculous isn’t the prize they thought she was.

      • Kathryn says:

        We can only hope! She was not particularly featured on the anniversary show either, to my great relief!

    • RobertaJ says:

      Watched the FN 20th anniversary special tonight. It was pretty awful…..but noticeably missing was Ree-pulsive. They had Ina, Alton, Emeril, Sara Moulton, Tyler, Bobby Flay, Giada, douchebag Fieri of course, and even that sham Robert Irvine. Heck, they even promo’d Mo Rocca fercryin’ out loud ! But no Ree-Ree. Thankfully. I’d have have to have poured my glass of wine into the TV to make it go away !

    • Marilyn says:

      But they re-ran the Thanksgiving throw-down with Bobby Flay. A few posted on PW’s FB page that they hoped she win it. Obviously, attentive fans.

  6. Bridget says:

    So who is writing Ree’s blog? I wonder if it is her BFF Hy that does the writing? Just due to the similar nature of their writing style and the blog was the brain child of both of them.

    • Pam says:

      Let me start by saying that I read this blog because I want to see the “other side of the fence” when it comes to commenting about a TV personality. I try not to judge the bloggers when they are writing about the individual because everyone has their own point of view. However, I just checked into PW’s blog…what the heck! Why is she rehashing the “Doughnut Story” from 2 years ago? Who really gives a flip what happened two years ago? I am beginning to think that; she is too busy traveling all over the US promoting a cookbook that reads like my older editions of Betty Crocker, or someone else is writing the blog.

      Lately the “confessions” have been so lame and uninteresting that when I begin to read the first few lines, I click out…so tired of the dogs…where are the stories about being on a ranch from away from civilization? What happened to everyday life with everyday issues that are relatable to the everyday housewife?

  7. Jean says:

    Maybe this has already been answered somewhere but I’m too lazy to look for it. Anybody know who her PR firm is? And how much it costs to have them promote for her? Truthfully – despite her marginal persona and lack of cooking skills, they’ve done a hell of a job getting her airtime and press. I guess it just goes to show you that money can buy this kind of stuff.

  8. FN_viewer says:

    Hi,
    First time posting here. I started watching PW’s show, shortly after Paula D. was fired. Now I have to laugh at so many country-cooking shows that FN is producing. The most recent commercial features a Paula D. look-alike coming soon.

    There are many annoying things about PW (I will have to list them later), but at the top of my list is the yo-yo style of filming her cooking segments … it is to annoying to have the camera person shoot her face talking about nothing and then a quick pan down to the counter and back up again to her face to talk about nothing again and back down to her chopping block or sauce pan to show us how finely chopped her onions are … it is dizzying.

    Since she has the same UK Production company as Ina (which is a subject for another day), why not the same style of filming with what appears to be two separate camera persons; one for close-ups and one for distance shots of her at her counter? Not this up-and-down style that is sooo annoying.

    All I can think of is that she must have requested the yo-yo (up-n-down) style of filming her show to match her blog pictures.

    Well, speaking of her production company, why not a US company?

    • The Marlboro Woman says:

      Ree’s efforts to emulate Ina Garten were obvious from the very first show. As a consulting producer, Ree requested and received car cams so she could drive and spew drivel. Unlike Ina, Ree has no comfort level with the camera. Instead of being herself and developing her own style, Drummond’s decision to copy Ina Garten comes across as awkward and phony.

      • FN_viewer says:

        Thanks for your reply. I love your Web site :-)

        Again, there are many annoying things about her show, the way she talks to her audience as she does to her kids, that I could go on forever.