In today’s episode, Ree hosts a pool party that does not involve swimming and takes place at someone else’s house and it’s a cookout where the food is cooked indoors. And she presents this as completely normal and something that people should do. Well, OK then, on with the show!
We start with Ree setting up the scenario: she and Hyacinth are going to host a pool party for all the women in their family, except no one is going to get into the pool. This is all going to happen at Hy’s house, since she has a pool. Ree is providing cookout food, except it will be cooked inside at The Lodge and transported to Hy’s yard. Ree is making barbecued chicken that is actually roasted in the oven.
We see Ree watering her garden! No doubt, Ree is aware of criticism from some corners about this alleged garden, so she wants everybody to see her take the hose to it. She and Hy start off with some phony back-and-forth via telephone, setting up the party. Hy looks pretty bad when she says, “You bring the food!” which isn’t much of an invitation, then we see a long shot of Ree’s puny garden behind a stone wall.
Cut to Ree inside the kitchen, wearing a shirtain that appears to have been cut from a very ugly shower curtain. She is making a pasta salad and explaining the random ingredients by saying, “The flavor is all over the place.” Sounds great, Ree!
We get a long series of flashback photos and videos, to explain the decades-long friendship between Ladd’s family and Hy’s husband’s family. I think this is the first time I realized that it was Judge Kane’s family, not Hy’s, that was so tight with the Drummonds in years gone by. Whatever, I digress.
Back to Ree and her pasta salad, which is cooked pasta, tomatoes and cheese chunks. She makes a dressing that starts with a half cup of mayonnaise, milk, vinegar and adobo sauce. Gee, that won’t be watery at all! She’s babbling about the smoked cheese and the adobo sauce making layers of flavor – smoky and smoky! OK, I guess she doesn’t really understand what layers of flavor means. She uses her favorite measurements – purely random – then says you want the dressing thin, so it won’t be “gloopy”. What a vocabulary!
She mushes some basil into a sloppy roll and cuts it into strips, dumps that on top of the pasta salad, proclaims it rilly, rilly messy, then covers the whole dish with plastic wrap. What, no special glass dishes with snap-on lids? Did that marketing deal for The Mercantile fall through? There is a tease for the rest of the recipes and we are out to the first commercial break.
Back to Ree, wearing the same ugly blouse, slicing vegetables “rilly, rilly” thick. She puts lots of oil onto a cast iron grill pan (aren’t you supposed to oil the food, not the grill?), then makes some inane comment about it being funny that she’s cooking everything indoors.
Cut to Alex and Paige arriving at Hy’s house to help set up. As they exit their vehicle and Hy’s daughter walks toward them, I realize that all three of these thin, cute teenage girls are wearing shirtains. How weird!
Inside, Hy tells them that Nan has sent over a huge stack of photo albums, so they are going to pull out photos to decorate the table. The girls start to go through the albums, and we cut back to Ree, who says she is going to whip up a yogurt sauce for the grilled vegetables. She says to randomly chop some cilantro – randomly chopping seems to be her strong suit! Then she makes some inane comments about “girl talk”. She uses a microplane to grate some garlic and, amazingly, holds it the right way. Someone has to be coaching her because usually she holds it upside down and gets minimal results.
She puts the sauce into a little ceramic bowl and puts more plastic wrap on top. She moves on to the barbecue chicken thighs and says she’s leaving the skin on so they will be “rilly, rilly” flavorful. She puts the chicken on sheet pans and tosses them into the oven. The tease shows that the secret to her amazing barbecue sauce is going to be a bottle of barbecue sauce, then we are out to commercial.
We return to Ree saying that the great thing about bottled barbecue sauce is that you can doctor it up and she’s going to add jelly to it to make it extra sticky. Because sugar + sugar = a good thing in Ree’s world. She grates some more garlic into the saucepan on the stove, then we cut to the girls and Hy, still setting up for dinner. Back to Ree, who helpfully says to put a good amount of sauce onto the partially cooked chicken. Then she turns it with her fish spatula. Back to Hy, then back to Ree, adding more sauce. Through the magic of editing, we see the graphic timer tick off seven minutes, twice, while Ree does a voice over explaining changing the oven temperature. There is a close-up of the temperature gauge on the oven knob and I’m curious about what kind of stove she has, because I’ve never seen a knob quite like that.
Moving along, the chicken is proclaimed done because there is charred sauce melded onto the pan, she gets out another fish spatula to pry the chicken loose, then we get a tease that indicates there will be red truck driving in the final segment, then we cut to the commercial break.
Back to a long shot of the red pickup truck driving down the highway. Ree does a voiceover to a flashback of a recipe for peach syrup. She makes a half-assed simple syrup (most likely not cooked long enough) then pours that over chopped peaches in mason jars. The syrup will be served over vanilla ice cream and garnished with basil. She makes a sneering comment about it being a girl’s dessert because “Can you imagine a cowboy eating ice cream with peaches and basil? Not in Osage County!” with the ugliest smirk, I want to reach into the TV and smack her.
Cut to a long shot of the truck driving away, then cut to Hy setting the table. Ree arrives and the girls unload the bowls and platters of food that have apparently been rattling around loose in the truck. Nan and Carolyn (mother of Judge Kane?) arrive and no one expresses any concern about food safety or the fact that they are eating food that was prepared hours ago and transported, unrefrigerated, in the back of a truck from the ranch.
There is plenty of blah-blah-blahing about cruises that were taken years ago, we see ice cream being dipped out of a carton into a bowl, Ree toasts five generations! And we are out. Another episode, in the can!
If you enjoy our site, thank you for considering a donation.