The Pioneer Woman Show – Vera Recaps Indoor Outdoor Cooking

In today’s episode, Ree hosts a pool party that does not involve swimming and takes place at someone else’s house and it’s a cookout where the food is cooked indoors. And she presents this as completely normal and something that people should do. Well, OK then, on with the show!

We start with Ree setting up the scenario: she and Hyacinth are going to host a pool party for all the women in their family, except no one is going to get into the pool. This is all going to happen at Hy’s house, since she has a pool. Ree is providing cookout food, except it will be cooked inside at The Lodge and transported to Hy’s yard. Ree is making barbecued chicken that is actually roasted in the oven.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

Home of Ree’s BFF, Hyacinth Kane.

We see Ree watering her garden! No doubt, Ree is aware of criticism from some corners about this alleged garden, so she wants everybody to see her take the hose to it. She and Hy start off with some phony back-and-forth via telephone, setting up the party. Hy looks pretty bad when she says, “You bring the food!” which isn’t much of an invitation, then we see a long shot of Ree’s puny garden behind a stone wall.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“Hy has moi in her VIP contacts.”

 

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“For all my critics, here’s a token pic of my garden…the one I never tend.”

Cut to Ree inside the kitchen, wearing a shirtain that appears to have been cut from a very ugly shower curtain. She is making a pasta salad and explaining the random ingredients by saying, “The flavor is all over the place.” Sounds great, Ree!

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“The Wal-Marts had shower curtains on sale so Momma, being the Pioneer Woman and all, bought one and sewed up this purty shirtain.”

We get a long series of flashback photos and videos, to explain the decades-long friendship between Ladd’s family and Hy’s husband’s family. I think this is the first time I realized that it was Judge Kane’s family, not Hy’s, that was so tight with the Drummonds in years gone by. Whatever, I digress.

Back to Ree and her pasta salad, which is cooked pasta, tomatoes and cheese chunks. She makes a dressing that starts with a half cup of mayonnaise, milk, vinegar and adobo sauce. Gee, that won’t be watery at all! She’s babbling about the smoked cheese and the adobo sauce making layers of flavor – smoky and smoky! OK, I guess she doesn’t really understand what layers of flavor means. She uses her favorite measurements – purely random – then says you want the dressing thin, so it won’t be “gloopy”. What a vocabulary!

She mushes some basil into a sloppy roll and cuts it into strips, dumps that on top of the pasta salad, proclaims it rilly, rilly messy, then covers the whole dish with plastic wrap. What, no special glass dishes with snap-on lids? Did that marketing deal for The Mercantile fall through? There is a tease for the rest of the recipes and we are out to the first commercial break.

Back to Ree, wearing the same ugly blouse, slicing vegetables “rilly, rilly” thick. She puts lots of oil onto a cast iron grill pan (aren’t you supposed to oil the food, not the grill?), then makes some inane comment about it being funny that she’s cooking everything indoors.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“I know, I know, I just featured Mexican macaroni salad a few weeks back. All this faux cooking is rilly, rilly challenging.”

Cut to Alex and Paige arriving at Hy’s house to help set up. As they exit their vehicle and Hy’s daughter walks toward them, I realize that all three of these thin, cute teenage girls are wearing shirtains. How weird!

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“After Momma hauled water from the creek, I sewed up some more purty shirtains for the girls.”

Inside, Hy tells them that Nan has sent over a huge stack of photo albums, so they are going to pull out photos to decorate the table. The girls start to go through the albums, and we cut back to Ree, who says she is going to whip up a yogurt sauce for the grilled vegetables. She says to randomly chop some cilantro – randomly chopping seems to be her strong suit! Then she makes some inane comments about “girl talk”. She uses a microplane to grate some garlic and, amazingly, holds it the right way. Someone has to be coaching her because usually she holds it upside down and gets minimal results.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“I pay Tiffany Poe to instruct me how to hold a micro-plane correctly.”

She puts the sauce into a little ceramic bowl and puts more plastic wrap on top. She moves on to the barbecue chicken thighs and says she’s leaving the skin on so they will be “rilly, rilly” flavorful. She puts the chicken on sheet pans and tosses them into the oven. The tease shows that the secret to her amazing barbecue sauce is going to be a bottle of barbecue sauce, then we are out to commercial.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“Now surely you didn’t expect me to whip up a BBQ sauce from scratch.”

We return to Ree saying that the great thing about bottled barbecue sauce is that you can doctor it up and she’s going to add jelly to it to make it extra sticky. Because sugar + sugar = a good thing in Ree’s world. She grates some more garlic into the saucepan on the stove, then we cut to the girls and Hy, still setting up for dinner. Back to Ree, who helpfully says to put a good amount of sauce onto the partially cooked chicken. Then she turns it with her fish spatula. Back to Hy, then back to Ree, adding more sauce. Through the magic of editing, we see the graphic timer tick off seven minutes, twice, while Ree does a voice over explaining changing the oven temperature. There is a close-up of the temperature gauge on the oven knob and I’m curious about what kind of stove she has, because I’ve never seen a knob quite like that.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“I just love my fish spatula. Never mind that I don’t use it for fish…besides no one in Osage County eats fish.”

Moving along, the chicken is proclaimed done because there is charred sauce melded onto the pan, she gets out another fish spatula to pry the chicken loose, then we get a tease that indicates there will be red truck driving in the final segment, then we cut to the commercial break.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“See all that black stuff…it’s burned BBQ sauce. I’m too dense to know that BBQ sauce should be added during the final minutes of roasting.”

Back to a long shot of the red pickup truck driving down the highway. Ree does a voiceover to a flashback of a recipe for peach syrup. She makes a half-assed simple syrup (most likely not cooked long enough) then pours that over chopped peaches in mason jars. The syrup will be served over vanilla ice cream and garnished with basil. She makes a sneering comment about it being a girl’s dessert because “Can you imagine a cowboy eating ice cream with peaches and basil? Not in Osage County!” with the ugliest smirk, I want to reach into the TV and smack her.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“Ahhh you guys are gittin’ too smart. You know Momma’s goin’ babble to the truck cam.”

Cut to a long shot of the truck driving away, then cut to Hy setting the table. Ree arrives and the girls unload the bowls and platters of food that have apparently been rattling around loose in the truck. Nan and Carolyn (mother of Judge Kane?) arrive and no one expresses any concern about food safety or the fact that they are eating food that was prepared hours ago and transported, unrefrigerated, in the back of a truck from the ranch.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“Ewwww Mom, there’s maggots on this food.”

There is plenty of blah-blah-blahing about cruises that were taken years ago, we see ice cream being dipped out of a carton into a bowl, Ree toasts five generations! And we are out. Another episode, in the can!

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, ree drummond fraud, the pioneer woman show, food network,

“Hope you enjoyed another episode of Macaroni Salad Gone Wild.”

Visit Us On TwitterVisit Us On PinterestCheck Our Feed

If you enjoy our site, thank you for considering a donation.

193 Comments

The Pioneer Woman – A Football Primer

We noticed the fake little ol’ ranch wife is posting about fall—although it’s 106 in the shade–so we thought it an appropriate time to present Ree with a short football tutorial.  Earlier this year and again this afternoon, Food Network aired a Pioneer Woman episode called The B-Man, a show Ree dedicated to her older son, Bryceeeee.  The Antichef made all his favorite foods, they thumb danced and in a half hour, viewers witnessed one of the most beloved mother-son relationships in the history of mankind.

Yet for all the coddling, all the smiles and laughter, we weren’t quite convinced, in fact, we weren’t feeling the love at all. For us at least, it was more like listening to someone reading a script and as it turns out, that’s exactly what it was.  In a performance for the ages, Ree launched into a soliloquy, an ode of sorts to Bryceee, his warm personality, his generous spirit and his love of football.  The breathless, squeaky-voiced Pioneer Woman described how Bryceeee played defensive back for the local Pawhuska football team, a team coached by her husband Ladd.

We decided to take a closer look at the scenes of Bryceee playing football, you know the ones we always look forward to in cooking shows.  After multiple replays, we never saw Bryceeee playing defensive back, not once.  Nope, he was actually playing offense, taking the snap and handing it off to a running back.  Not only that, he was wearing a football jersey with the number 17. Hmmm, that makes Bryceee the quarterback, not a defensive back.  It also presents a teensy, weensy conundrum for the doting mom ruse and all but blows a hole in Ree’s wild claims of mother-son bonding.

the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, pioneer woman show, food network, ree drummond, fake ree drummond

Earth to Ree: Your husband’s the coach, that makes your son the quarterback not a defensive back you moron.

You see, here’s the thing:   in football, defensive backs don’t take the snap and they sure as hell don’t wear number 17 jerseys.   Typically, uniform numbers between 1 and 19 are reserved for quarterbacks, punters and place kickers.  Defensive backs, on the other hand, usually wear numbers between 20 and 49.  Furthermore, when Daddy’s the team coach, his son ain’t playing defensive back.

Ree’s tribute to her son as it turns out, was another contrivance, a theme for her cheesy show, one designed to play on the heartstrings of the masses, people who won’t know the difference.  Shame on the fake Pioneer Woman on many levels, but not knowing what position her son plays on the football team, that’s unforgivable.

nancyg says: August 21, 2014 at 8:50 pm

Oh hell MW, come on, the servants probably have to remind the Moose who her children are, how old they are and what they look like!

Visit Us On TwitterVisit Us On PinterestCheck Our Feed

If you enjoy our site, thank you for considering a donation.

490 Comments

The Pioneer Woman Show – Hitting the Road Recap

Saturday’s Hitting the Road episode was ripped from the Pioneer Woman’s blog a few months back when Ree and her daughters traveled to Texas A&M University. It’s the usual, over-the-top fare about a college tour trip, something the average American family does without More…

239 Comments

The Pioneer Woman Show – Kitchen Confessional Comfort Foods

Today on the ranch, Ree is treating us to an episode called Kitchen Confessional: Comfort Food. She is going to make her favorite comfort food recipes, including chicken and dumplings, quesadillas, pasta with tomato sauce, and cinnamon toast. OK, is More…

518 Comments

The Pioneer Woman’s Opening Night Gala

With completion of Phase One of the Pioneer Woman’s mysterious flip-that-building project, her publicity machine is moving into high gear.  This week alone, two Oklahoma papers covered the opening night gala held in Pawhuska’s former Mercantile.  Unlike most philanthropists who shy away from media attention, Ree Drummond can’t get enough of it.

pioneer woman, fake pioneer woman, the pioneer woman, ree drummond, fake ree drummond, food network

The Antichef’s flip that building project, a bunker of sorts, where Ree can map out her strategy for culinary-world domination.

According to the Bartlesville Examiner  and the Times Record Online, on July 31 an exclusive, invitation-only party was held to celebrate the Drummonds taking physical possession of the building.  Because Ladd and Ree’s names are on the deed, the coverage focused on them, not any of the other family members who will also office there.  Nice way to share Ree.

As we speculated over a year ago, Ree’s flip-that-building will house yet another commercial kitchen.  Sorry, we’re not buying that it’s exclusively for a Deli, particularly when Ree is the one spinning the story.  The commercial kitchen will serve a two-fold purpose:  one ostensibly as food prep for Deli traffic and two, as a secondary shooting location for the Antichef’s red-neck cooking show.

We have never understood why Ree Drummond cloaks her expanse in secrecy and innuendo. Why not share with the reeple throngs that you’re an opportunist and be done with the half-truths?

A huge shout out to the dear reader who sent us a hard-copy of the Bartlesville Examiner article.  You know who you are and thanks!

Visit Us On TwitterVisit Us On PinterestCheck Our Feed

If you enjoy our site, thank you for considering a donation.

110 Comments

The Pioneer Woman Show – Vera Recaps Pet Parade

Today Ree is bringing picnic items to a pet parade in Tulsa. What? Well, this event is sponsored by the home school co-op and was organized by Hyacinth. And none of Ree or Hy’s children appear to be involved. So More…

534 Comments

The Pioneer Woman Show – Recap of Man Cave

Today’s show is built on the premise that four teenage boys are transforming an empty salt house on the Drummond homestead into a man cave.  Never mind that presumably it’s the middle of summer and the salt house doesn’t have any power or running More…

481 Comments

The Pioneer Woman Choos Choos to Chattanooga

With over 150 vendors expected to participate, Chattanooga is rolling out the red carpet for this weekend’s SHE Expo, billed as a two-day dog and pony show for southern women.  Headliners include HGTV’s Property Brothers, Drew and Jonathan Scott, and More…

144 Comments

The Pioneer Woman Show – Recap of Engagement Party

Please note:  The couple who are the focus of today’s show and their friends seem to be some of the nicest people in the world.  In no way is this recap meant to be critical of them or their guests. Today the Antichef asks us to suspend More…

404 Comments

The Pioneer Woman Show – Vera Recaps Takeout At Home

Today’s adventure on the ranch: Takeout At Home. Ree bemoans the fact that she lives so very far from a Chinese carry-out restaurant and decides to surprise her daughters with the same food they order every week from a drive-thru More…

388 Comments